I’m partway through watching Breaking Bad (just started Season Four, so no spoilers!) and LOVE IT.
Does it have anything to do with the protagonist being a hapless, disappointed
midlife white male who’s losing his hair? Or that he then turns his life around
and becomes a master of his own destiny and a thorough bad-ass? No! Why would I
identify with that? Sheesh. It is because of its satirical take on extreme
capitalism and the death of the American Dream, of course. Actually, it probably
has to do with what I think the show is really about: what it means to be a
MAN.
For those of you who’ve been living in a gimp-chest, Breaking Bad is about
Walter White, an emasculated high school chemistry teacher who is diagnosed
with terminal cancer. This causes a series of reactions – the primary being a
boiling over of rage at his wasted life and the compromises that have brought
him to the point where he is going to die, leaving his family unprovided for. He
makes the fateful decision to “cook” crystal meth as a way of making vast amounts
of money in a short time and, critically, he does it by harnessing his untapped
brilliance and skills at chemistry. It is a perfect match - he is doing
something only he can do and, by doing it, he is providing for his family. The
dilemma is that it must be a secret activity since it is illegal and he doesn’t
want his family to know and lose respect for him. This is what Walt craves more
than anything – respect, both external and internal. And these sources of
respect are at constant war.
Walt alternates between self-hatred at what he has become
and pride in his accomplishments. He also de facto gains another son in Jesse
Pinkman, a failed former high school student of his, who becomes his partner in
crime. The difference in his behaviour to Jesse and to his real son is striking
– not just because he is so verbally abusive to Jesse but because in a weird way
he is a different, real, unmediated self with Jesse. There’s no filter. He bullies
an berates Jesse as he aims to instruct him in the way of being a “man”,
something he rarely displays with his real son (who suffers from cerebral palsy)
and whom he clearly loves but is forced to treat gently.( It’s also amazing how
throughout the whole process Jesse always refers to Walt as “Mr. White”, a
reflection of his past as Jesse’s teacher and currently another kind of teacher
and father-figure. Damn, this show is good).
I wonder if other dads also struggle with being their “best”
self with their sons and telling them all the “right” things to do and say
while part of them wants to just be themselves and tell them the ugly “truth”
about the way the world is and how to survive and thrive in it. Or is that just me and Walt? For the record, I
do not cook meth; I have chosen the much better paid profession of freelance
writing.
It drives Walt crazy that his son (Walter White Jr.) idolizes his DEA agent uncle and disregards
Walt’s ‘coolness’. Junior loves his dad’s gentle, honest and caring ways but is
clearly infatuated with the life of danger and excitement and rawness his uncle
seems to have. Every father wants to be a hero to his son. Walt struggles with
wanting his son to know what he has done for him with fears that his son would
not understand, it would not be appropriate to tell him and that he would in
fact revile Walt. Can one be a hero to your son if he knows your secret worst self
or must you be someone else to your son in order for them to respect you? And
if you’re not your real self what are you teaching them?
These thoughts – that Breaking Bad is essentially a
meditation through a fun house mirror on what it means to be a man in a world
which no longer values typical male attributes – were justified in one late
season 3 conversation Walt has with his
boss, Gustavo Fring, who is trying to talk Walter into continuing with his drug
career. Gus hones in on this tension within Walter – his need for respect and
his need to do something he is good at competing with his need to provide for
his family. Gus scoffs at Walter’s need for his son to know what he has done
for the family and for his respect. Gus tells Walt that his job AS A MAN is to
do what he must do for his family even though he will get no respect or thanks
or recognition. That in fact is part of what is a truly manly man – one who
does his duty without hope of recognition or praise because it is right. Damn,
old school.
Mind you, in Walt’s case it is a truly twisted application
of this creed but there is something satisfying in Walt’s pursuit of his own
way of being a man. He does many things that are wrong and have unhappy
consequences for those he loves. He lies, kills, and creates a drug which
destroys lives (but only the finest purest product, Walt always respects the chemistry) – how is it we (or at least
I) still like this guy? He begs and bargains for his life and that of his
family throughout the series but, while there is clearly some self-preservation
going on, he is convinced it always has to do with saving his family (which
includes Jesse Pinkman). It is a clever move of Gus, as well, because, like
most people, Walt’s motivations are not pure – there is still a great deal of
pride in what motivates him. I can see that this pride and the increasingly
dangerous game he is playing will put these two fathers within Walt into
increasing conflict.
So no easy summation here – this is partly what makes BB
such a great show. I am fascinated to see how Walt, like so many of us,
negotiates the various pulls on him in his quest to be, if not a good man, then
a good father. And what is that anyway? Man, I could write about this show
forever. Futher thoughts on this follow at some later date.
