Wednesday, 27 January 2016

My Son, The Sith Lord

It started innocently enough - with the whole family watching  the entire Star Wars movie catalogue over the weeks leading up to the release of Episode 7.

The next step? Also innocuous - my 8 year old's decision to go as Darth Vader for Halloween, using an amazing mask he got last year, which came pre-loaded with recorded James Earl Jones' quotes from the original films, all available at the touch of a button. He memorized all of them, mimicking with amazing accuracy JEJ's delivery (if not his rumbling bass).

While watching the movies with him I noticed that, whenever someone presented the protagonist with problems, his response was to suggest they should be killed. And then his cheering at said destruction.

But, I convinced myself that he was just being a normal blood-thirsty 8 year old. Still, deep down I wondered....

Watching movies or sports teams with him he always cheers for the overdog. He is all about the win, dominance and then gloating over a win. Hearing his synopsis of stories or movies they are interestingly skewed to the point of view of the dominant figure in the story - not necessarily the protagonist. It reminds me of that great scene in the movie Barcelona when one of the characters, suffering from a head injury, describes the end of The Graduate. He found Dustin Hoffman's character a whining lcreep who ruins the life of the groom, "a great guy, the make-out king of his fraternity", when Hoffman crashes the wedding and runs off with the girl. Classic.

What else? He is governed by powerful emotions, which as we know, is the path to the dark side.

His regular greeting to me is to physically attack me like Cato in the Pink Panther movies does to Inspector Clouseau. I mean, it's done in love but, still...

The clearest evidence though was when I got in his way in the hallway the other day and he declared ominously, "Don't make me destroy you."

You might think that when you realize that your son is a Sith Lord that there would be a group or something you can join, right? Maybe a seminar? At least a hotline, maybe? You'd be surprised to learn that, no, you're pretty much on your own.

I was worried for a while about how this would play out but, I've come to peace with it. I think I accepted him for who he was when he turned to me the other day and, with perfect intonation and phrasing, said, "Join me. Together you and I can rule the galaxy as father and son."

When your son says that to you, it would take a heart of stone to not be moved. I, of course, said yes.

So, your kid is a doctor? Sports star? Computer scientist? Whatever. My son is a Sith Lord and he will kick your kid's ass.