Teaser for Parental Advisory

Below is the teaser for my and Jaime Escallon Buraglia's proposed comedy series about a dysfunctional PTA, Parental Advisory. We've been pitching it to various broadcasters and were recently at the Banff World Media Festival promoting it.

 



Click here to see the 7 minute bravoFACT short we made: Disciplinary Measures. Please feel free to share and let people know if you like it - particularly if you know any broadcasters.

Just Don't Embarrass Me, Dad

"Just don't embarrass me, Dad"

The title of this post comes from a line I uttered in all sincerity to my own father when I was 12 and we were all heading into the town near our cottage, Grand Bend, for a trip to Kiddy City, a small  amusement park, and to stroll the strip for ice cream and maybe play Galaga in the arcade. It must have been a Thursday night as that was half-price night.

Grand Bend Ontario, if you have never been, is a resort town which, in the summer months, quadruples its population and its average age plummets to roughly 23. Back in the day it was a rocking place with people strutting and sashaying along the sidewalks in bathing suits or driving the strip in open windowed cars to check out 'the talent' (as my dad used to describe it). Bars belting out rocking tunes as inside sunburned and very drunk people tried to make meaningful human connections (or something like that.) It's like a mini-Spring Break. Every weekend. One of my favourite moments was seeing an OPP cruiser driving down the street and the cop in the passenger side reaching out to knock the beer can out of the hand of some guy in cut-offs and a lot of woven bracelets who was standing on the sidewalk. Yeah, that was a good one.

Eventually I left Kiddy City behind as I grew older and got a summer job and cruised the strip no longer looking for ice cream or the high score in Galaga. In many ways The Bend hasn't changed all that much, although instead of selling hacky sacs and sex wax it caters more to tattoos and piercings. Ick. Now, I'm sure it still rocks on summer nights but since Kiddy City has closed down I have had no reason to go into town with my own kids on summer nights.

Knowing what I know now I would have realized that telling my dad not to embarrass me was: 1) futile, as my parents' sheer existence at that stage embarrassed me; and 2) like waving a flag in the face of a bull. I know this because this is the stage I'm at now with my kids - show me the slightest hint you are embarrassed by me and I will RAMP IT UP. Yes. It's one of my few pleasures. When my kids were younger and would throw a fit in the middle of a department store or went boneless in the street screaming and yelling, I would lean in and tell them, "Just so you know, this is really embarrassing for me. Enjoy it. Because when you are a teenager, I will get my own back and humiliate you in public mercilessly through my antics." And I keep my promises.

Back to the past. We were walking down the Grand Bend strip and I was ahead of my Dad who had my brother on his shoulders and my sister by the hand. As I walked past a booth where for a dollar you could request a record to be played as a rotating red police light would flash (I think it might have been called The Soul Shack), I heard the young Black woman behind the counter shout out, "Groove, Daddy, Groove." I turned and, to my horror, saw my father just totally get down in the middle of the street with my brother still on his shoulders and my sister dancing around his feet. I melted into a sticky puddle of humiliation and joined discarded ice cream cones in running down to the gutter.

And of course I have become completely the same. As I dance around in the kitchen to some choice track my kids will shriek in fear and loathing as they try to pluck their eyes from their heads shouting, "Out, vile jelly." Oh, yeah, the Oedipal/Shakespeare mash-up reference there isn't accidental.

However, it all came nicely full circle this last week. My youngest sister got married and my dad and she took the floor for the compulsory father daughter dance and, frankly, he rocked it. Soon we all were on the dance floor and for once my kids seemed to really enjoy dancing with me (and my wife) and we had a ball - none of caring how we looked and consequently all looking really happy.

* As a nice Coda, my oldest (12 years old) went to a bar mitzvah the following weekend and came back with a Montreal Canadiens' (Subban) jersey which he won - by dancing for duration of the party. I feel very proud - and sorry for my grandkids - he's really going to embarrass them some day.

Book Banning

In our family we love reading. We read everything and anything - books, newspapers, magazines, cereal boxes and even, when we forget to bring something into the bathroom with us, shampoo bottles. By the way, I am amazed that these actually provide instructions. Seriously? If you are capable of reading the instructions on a shampoo bottle then, chances are, you already know how the whole thing works. But I really enjoy the back of the Old Spice shampoos and body washes - they are weird and entertaining.

Our guys are all big readers and nothing does my heart prouder than seeing them all sprawled around the living room reading books. We have always read to our kids and we still do - even though they can and do read a lot on their own. It apparently is important to read to your kids even after they can read to encourage them (even  tweens and teens)  to continue with reading through life.  That could be total anxious parent crap and not even true but, more importantly, it's fun. It's a great way to bond, share experiences  and for me to reread books I loved as a kid.

I often pick books I can't convince them to try on their own. And the books I insist on reading are not necessarily "appropriate"  for their age or this time - which is what makes reading so fun. The stuff in these books is almost lost information in one way or another. And some of it is terribly politically incorrect. Currently I am reading:

Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson to the 7 year old.

"This is the one about getting drunk on rum and killing people with swords, right?"

"Yup"

"Cool."

 

Lost in the Barrens - Farley Mowat  to the 9 year old. Two 14 year olds left on their own mess up and have to survive in the high north with only a rifle and an axe. Killing stuff, raiding Viking graves, doing stupid things with serious consequences. Super fun.

 



 

 

Watership Down - Richard Adams to the 12 year old. It's about talking bunnies, who fight and swear and kill. He loves it. Shh, don't tell anyone.

 



Another bunch of books from my youth I have introduced my kids to are the Tintin comic books. Harmless fun, right? Well... they were written by a Belgian guy in the '40s - let's just say he wasn't enlightened about other races and people. But apparently you can't get some of them out of the library because of this backward thinking. I think that's bullshit. Kids need to be able to handle this stuff and can, if given the right guidance by their parent - another reason for me to read these books to them and moderate the discussion afterwards.

Oho, you may say - easy for you Mr. White Middle Class guy - your people/race/gender are not being unfairly represented.

Oh no?

A passage I recently read in Watership Down went something along the lines of "A rabbit can no more resist lettuce than an Irishman can resist an invitation to fight." Racist bastard. I really wanted to punch the guy in the head. You know, if he hadn't been dead for 20 years or so. And because people of Irish decent don't have bad tempers. Ahem.*

But it wasn't going to ruin an otherwise great book for me and my son. I laughed and commented to the effect that it was racist garbage and we moved on. You can't protect your kids from this stuff by not dealing with it. You have to give them the tools to handle it when they encounter it.

[*Interesting - I figured WD was written in the 40s and the anti-Irish nonsense was a product of the typical English racism of the time and could be excused that way but hold on - it was written in 1972 and the bastard is still alive (94). I just might have to look him up next time I get to the UK and test his theory. My point still stands - it was from a different time and POV and I can challenge that comment but still enjoy the book and think it worthwhile. This enforced cultural amnesia/ willful blindness helps no one. Our kids need to know how people of different times and places thought (and sadly even still think) about things so they are forearmed.]

Given the stuff they are exposed to on social media, in video games and online (no matter what you do), it makes me laugh that they are pulling Tintin books from the library. Yeah, a comic book written in the 40s is the biggest concern we should have. And a library is supposed to be where all information is kept no matter how obnoxious. The bigger issue to me is most kids don't even read at all and so cannot exercise their minds with dealing with information not pre-digested and approved by the gate-keepers. Maybe this idea that books have to be good for you and have had all bad stuff removed from them is why they seem to terribly lame and uninteresting to many boys.

That said, you don't have to agree with me - you wanna fight about it?

I've been busy... PARENTAL ADVISORY, NSI TOTALLY TV, Phase II

For those of you who actually read this voluntarily I apologize for my prolonged absence - but I've been busy with this thing below. And just finished March Break which, as usual, involved the de riguer trip to the hospital. So read on and I'll post something new soon...

NSI TOTALLY TV, Phase II - Parental Advisory

Jaime Escallon-Buraglia (producer) and Christopher Stewart Sweeney (writer), Toronto, ON

After three intense days, our heads feel like over-packed suitcases that people are sitting on and trying to close so all the contents don’t go spilling out before we make it onto the plane to the Banff Media Festival. Let’s call those people Sam Linton [program advisor] and Shelly Tyler [program manager]. They have become our guides, our confidantes and our biggest supporters.[MORE]

http://www.nsi-canada.ca/2015/03/nsi-totally-television-phase-two-teams-on-their-second-bootcamp/

Lent



I explained to my post-Christian pagan sons what Lent was - giving up those things that you really liked in an effort to approximate the sacrifice and fasting of Christ in the wilderness.

My 9 year old's reaction?

"Sounds stupid."

What My Kids Learned in School Today

I got a real kick out of dinner the other night. Tuesday has become de facto guys' night dinner since my lovely and bright wife is completing her Masters in Law (which she started just before becoming pregnant with our oldest. He just turned 12.And then we had two more. Hat's off to her sticking with it. We're BUSY around here.) Her classes are Tuesday nights.

The conversation went something like this:

OLDEST shaking his head in disbelief: Dad, you won't believe what I learned in school today.

ME: Oh? What?

Me trying not to display too much excitement he is actually VOLUNTEERING information about what goes on in school and his life generally. The last few months he has been engaging in a vigorous campaign to stop all information leaks to us about his doings.

OLDEST: We're talking about drug abuse in health and the teacher mentioned Jimi Hendrix doing so many drugs he choked on his own vomit?

Again, clearly a guys' night dinner discussion - drug abuse and vomit.

ME: Uh huh?

OLDEST: And then a few minutes later one of the other kids raises his hand and asks, 'Who is Jimi Hendrix?' I can't believe it. And then, it turns out only three kids in my whole class had even heard of him. Crazy!

MIDDLEST boy (Age 9): What? Jimi Hendrix is only like one of the world's greatest guitarists ever.

OLDEST: I know. Right?

Pause as I wipe away a tear of pride - boys know their classic rock.

This pride is only topped later when my middlest asks me to play The Homecoming Song by Dollar Brand (AKA Abdullah Ibrahim) a classic jazz track.

MIDDLEST: It's got a great beat.

They then start debating which Herbie Hancock instrumental track they prefer off his Head Hunters album, Chameleon or Watermelon Man.

I gotta be doing something right. Right?

Parental Advisory Moves On To Phase II NSI Totally TV

 

Parental Advisory moves onto Phase Two of National Screen Institute - Totally Television

 

 

Jaime Escallon Buraglia (Producer) and Christopher Sweeney (Writer) of Parental Advisory
 

Very happy to move onto the next exciting phase of this well-regarded television development program. A workshop in March, followed by the Banff Television Festival and pitching Network executives. The grant will also help us develop the project and perhaps take a trip to L.A. to court backers.

This is a further development of our comedy series which began with our bravoFACT short Parental Advisory: Disciplinary Measures.